The liquid hit my eye, soaking and burning it at the same time. It took more than an entire second to understand that I had just put hydrogen peroxide into my eye rather than saline solution, and the pain made it so that all I could do was jump around, sounding like a wounded animal in the wild... My partner was able to take the contact lens from my frantic and shaking hand, and put it safely back into its case. 

Then the fiery lightning arrived, the need to collapse onto the floor into a pile of my own gooey rage, and I felt a surge of energy shoot up from my root and echo through my entire core, until spilling out of my throat into the loudest, ear-piercing, guttural screams... As I screamed, I felt the primal rage that had been building within me, all the ways I had diminished my own personal power, knowingly or unknowingly. The anger from lifetimes of suppression, times I had allowed myself to be manipulated, periods of my life where I gave myself and my energy too easily and suffered as a result.   

These emotions poured out, as the screams made their way out of my body and back into the ethers from where they came. I allowed the purge to happen, as my internal guidance system said that without the peroxide incident, I would not have allowed the screams to leave my body.   

How many times had I pushed aside “the screams” so that I could maintain a false sense of peace? When all the emotional energy wants is to be released, and I do not allow it to happen, am I not living in a state of violence within myself? 

I had somewhere to be. An appointment at a set time. And here I was, screaming out ancestral traumas, lying in a mess on the floor. After a few minutes, I felt the completion, the end of the screaming, the rawness and opening of my throat, a subsiding... I still needed to be alone, yell a bit, stomp around, slam a door, and rip off all the clothes from my temperature hot body. 

I washed my face and massaged my skin with hemp seed oil. I could feel the anger ripping itself out of every lodged cell, could actively sense all that wanted to be released, and I imagined it gathering itself into a mass and exiting my system on every intentional out breath.   

I was then able to go on about my day. Despite being nearly late for my appointment, there was a delay and I had to wait longer than anticipated. This gave me much needed relaxation time prior to having to interact with people. As I pondered this, I realized that the universe always provides for me, the time, energy, resources, people, places, objects, connections, and insights that are required for each phase of my evolution. When I am not in flow, there will be an opportunity to release what is no longer necessary and to jump back into the river of my gifts. 

In each moment, all of my gifts are unfolding and being activated, and I am exactly where I am meant to be.   

Surrender. 

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh.